$1.96

The actually mailing of this card/picture was easy. The cost was minimal. Writing what was inside of it was surprisingly easy as well. I didn't put much effort into it, all I said was that I wish them well and hope they work on their personal health. I had no time to mention what a terrible person he has been for the last 25 years to me. The lack of communication, interest and genuine care are what hurt the most on a daily basis. I try not to think about it, but there are always reminders - everywhere. Today I heard a contest on the radio for hockey dads. I couldn't help but remind myself as to why I never had the chance to play hockey as a young kid and all the opportunties I missed out on as a result. I have always wished I had gone down the road of hockey in my youth. I know I would have done well, but now I will never truly know. Just the fact that I am still, to this day, missing out on all the beer league hockey and the good times that go along with it - I blame him. I will always blame him. It is pretty sad when I step back and think about it. I mean is it really fair that I blame him for being deprived such a luxury as a child? I doubt it.

Anyway, mission accomplished. I don't feel any different and certainly don't feel relieved or better or happier. I feel numb, just like before. It's a few pieces of paper with some words on it. That is it.

4 feet

Not yet

Still haven't mailed it. In fact, I wonder if I will ever find the time to get to the post office and stamp it correctly. I have no idea what it costs to send anything to Australia because I am a bad son and haven't ever considered reaching out like this before. I'm stalling for sure, trying to forget each day I drive home. Wondering if I do ever get around to sending it, will it be too late? I hope not, for everyone's sake. I guess I should just get my ass to the post office and get it done. Not so easy when my car is on auto pilot to get home and see my babies and wife as quickly as possible.

Soon, I keep telling myself. Soon I will get it done. Soon he will realize that I am a good son. A good person who took the high road and made the first move. Swallow my stubborn pride and just make it happen already right? I will feel better right?