Questions

Did you forget what day I was born?
Why did you stop calling on our birthdays?
Did you really have sex with the secretary? That is so cliche.
Are you capable of loving?
Why didn't you show it to us?

GG Dad

Not sure where to start so I will just go with what comes to mind and maybe follow up more later as things become more final.

Death is final. No one can prove otherwise.

I received a call from my aunt (step mom) last night right before game 7 of the Canucks vs. Hawks game kicked off. Nice timing, but PVR's rule the world now so I was fine with it.

Back track a bit right?

I never did tell you whether I made that call to him that night two weeks ago did I? Well for those of you who guessed that I did, you were right. I did make that call, and I am glad I did.

It was odd, aggrevating and a relief all bundled into one. With a side order of sadness and tears.

I had no expectations, and from what I had heard from my sister - he might not even remember we talked. Either way, there was a lot of dead air, a lot of talk about the girls and not much real life issues talk or remorse on either side of the phone.

It's too late for that now. It's too late to talk about the details rehash what is done. He made his choices and the guilt has now participated in getting him to where he is at this moment.

On his death bed.

He will not be coming home, he will not live much longer. He has a fialing heart which has taken its toll on his liver, pancreas and now - his brain. 2 weeks left max is what I've been told, but maybe even sooner than that.

My aunt confirmed this to be true last night and hinted that I should give him one last call to say goodbye. This is where I am at, this is what I am struggling with at the moment. I know I will probably make that call and I know I should do so with very little expectations to get anything back that will make me feel any differently than I already do.

But the fact is (as many have pointed out already) this is my only chance to talk to him one last time. One last good bye, one last time to hear the chuckle and nuances that remind me of me. I wish I could have gotten to know him better, I wish for my kids sake that he was around to meet them at least once.

This will never happen.

Just like I never met my Grandfather (his Dad), the tradition will continue. The circumstances are much different and nothing compares to seeing any relative's face light up when they hold my little girls.

This is something he will never get to do.

The sadest part for me is having to explain this to my girls one day. Telling the entire truth and making them understand where they come from and what makes me, me.

At this moment, it's not about that though. It's about making the choice to say goodbye while I still have the chance. Regardless of our past, regardless of what he has not contributed or how he has treated the ones that love him unconditionally.

I have no more words at this time.

BBT6

Where do I sign up?

I keed.

I suspect this is now on the back burner with the element turned down to less than 1.

It sucks that they still won't go with it and give all of us outside of the U.S. a shot at some great prizes. That would be doubly hurtful, though, to our American pals. But hey, if I did win a WSOP ticket I would surely go and represent as best I could. I promise.

I mean just because I have twins on one income right now, I'd still feel like I had a duty to give it a shot... for the little people in my life. This is one lottery that I would not want to miss out on.

Jerkstore

I am a dick. That is what I am being told anyway. How dare I come out and say what I want and tell people that they were stupid for having so much money online at one time. I mean, really - Hi, I'm a dick.

Sorry to be such a jerk about it. I should be more sensitive to people's bankrolls.

It's the job security I feel bad about. I don't think it will be easy for some of our blogger friends to find new work. Writing is writing I guess, but poker writing requires an extra special understanding of the game. I feel bad for those talented folks but I truly believe that they will land on their feet and find something even better and more fulfilling.

Time to start thinking of the next big thing. Hey, how about putting people on tv that are addicted to couponing?

Now, there's a show.

Shaking my head

I really don't get how some people actually treated their online poker accounts as their personal bank accounts. Who would actually "save money" in an account like that? There are things called banks now and they do a much better job. This will be a very hard lesson for many Americans who, with the way the economy is running and the strength of their dollar, probably looked at online poker as a financial lifeline. I don't keep my payroll in my employer's account. I don't know why you thought it was any different for online poker. "But I needed to have a deep enough bankroll to handle the variance" Terrible excuse. BRM doesn't mean keeping all your money in one or two sites and playing the appropriate levels. You can still do that with a minimal roll. I feel very bad for all my American poker buddies who have thousands of dollars online that the might not see for months, if not longer.... and of course, it is easy for me to sit here and say "I told you so" now. I just never understood why anyone would keep large sums of money in a virtual bank when the threat of taking down online poker is nothing new. I mean seriously, didn't you stop and think for at least one second - maybe I should take some of this money out just to be safe?

Try going here

BrueChips said this should work.

GG America

All of you are totally screwed and will most likely find it impossible to get your money out. I will save you. If you are interested, I can probably facilitate your withdrawal by your transfering the money to me. I make the withdrawal and then I ship it back to you via paypal or some other method (certified cheque?). You would be responsible for all associated transaction fees and exchange differences. I would make sure you get your money. I am sure we could work out something fair. Of course, I would draw up an indemnity agreement that I would have you sign. Let's see if we can screw over the man! Who's willing to give it a try? The real question is: Do you trust me? You should.

The call

I have been preparing for such a call for many years now. Ever since I found out how sick my father truly was. The fact is, he has not been well for a few months now. But only recently has it started to hit me as to just how sick he really is. The call came in to my cell at about 5pm on Monday. I picked it up and it was from my Nana. I knew this was the call right away because she would never call me, and if she did it wouldn't usually be on my cell phone while I am at work. Seeing as my father was my nana's only "son" she had grown quit attached to him over the years. The fact that her son was now married to a second daughter of hers made all the more difficult when we would get into the details of what has happened over the years and the lack of effort he has given towards myself or my sister. The bottom line is, my dad would talk to my nana all the time. Whereas I had talked to him in over 8 years. That's some fucked up shit. Or at least I think so. So my nana basically told me he could only have a few days, maybe even a few hours left. She game me the number to his hospital and told me that I should call him if I want to say anything before he dies. This really threw me for a loop and I had no idea what I would do. I couldn't concentrate at work, although it was past the end of the day already, I had already arranged to participate in a hockey pool draft. I considered bailing on the work pool draft. I considered leaving and going home and calling him that night. So many things ran through my head. Was I beign selfish because I was participating in a hockey pool when I knew full well that this might be my last opportunity to talk to him? Just to say hi? Just to hear his voice one last time? I sure felt that way. I felt like I was being very selfish. Like him. I felt like I didn't care if he died while I was in the 10th round of a hockey pool that really meant nothing. I felt angry with myself for not rushing to the phone and feeling all these pent up emotions release. After the pool was over I went home. I couldn't control myself. I didn't know what to do. I needed to be home to take care of my family. I didn't need to bring this stuff home though. All these emotions about a person that my wife has never met. She was the one who actually reminded me that he called me once before since Lola and I have been together. I had totally forgot that he called one year on Christmas eve about 8 years ago. Before that it was probably another 10 years since we talked last. As I drove home I couldn't figure out what to do. I talked to my wife and she obviously was very supportive. It was my decision. This was my time to do what I wanted to do for me and no one else. Should I call him or not, is all I kept saying. I put myself through that for about an hour before I decided I...

The Message

Ok, I listened to the message. I had to do it, but only out of necessity. I will post more on that later. For now - the message was pretty standard. Short and semi-sweet. My aunt basically thanked us for sending them the picture of the babies. She went on about how beautiful they are etc. so that was nice. She didn't say much else though, but did give their number and said that she would love to hear from us. Call her anytime etc. that was it. gotta go. I will post more later. I have lots more to talk about but need to take some time to myself before I write about it here or there.

I am a joke

Why is that I don't have the ability to remember to listen to this message when I am at home. I am a joke.