GG Dad

Not sure where to start so I will just go with what comes to mind and maybe follow up more later as things become more final.

Death is final. No one can prove otherwise.

I received a call from my aunt (step mom) last night right before game 7 of the Canucks vs. Hawks game kicked off. Nice timing, but PVR's rule the world now so I was fine with it.

Back track a bit right?

I never did tell you whether I made that call to him that night two weeks ago did I? Well for those of you who guessed that I did, you were right. I did make that call, and I am glad I did.

It was odd, aggrevating and a relief all bundled into one. With a side order of sadness and tears.

I had no expectations, and from what I had heard from my sister - he might not even remember we talked. Either way, there was a lot of dead air, a lot of talk about the girls and not much real life issues talk or remorse on either side of the phone.

It's too late for that now. It's too late to talk about the details rehash what is done. He made his choices and the guilt has now participated in getting him to where he is at this moment.

On his death bed.

He will not be coming home, he will not live much longer. He has a fialing heart which has taken its toll on his liver, pancreas and now - his brain. 2 weeks left max is what I've been told, but maybe even sooner than that.

My aunt confirmed this to be true last night and hinted that I should give him one last call to say goodbye. This is where I am at, this is what I am struggling with at the moment. I know I will probably make that call and I know I should do so with very little expectations to get anything back that will make me feel any differently than I already do.

But the fact is (as many have pointed out already) this is my only chance to talk to him one last time. One last good bye, one last time to hear the chuckle and nuances that remind me of me. I wish I could have gotten to know him better, I wish for my kids sake that he was around to meet them at least once.

This will never happen.

Just like I never met my Grandfather (his Dad), the tradition will continue. The circumstances are much different and nothing compares to seeing any relative's face light up when they hold my little girls.

This is something he will never get to do.

The sadest part for me is having to explain this to my girls one day. Telling the entire truth and making them understand where they come from and what makes me, me.

At this moment, it's not about that though. It's about making the choice to say goodbye while I still have the chance. Regardless of our past, regardless of what he has not contributed or how he has treated the ones that love him unconditionally.

I have no more words at this time.