The call

I have been preparing for such a call for many years now. Ever since I found out how sick my father truly was. The fact is, he has not been well for a few months now. But only recently has it started to hit me as to just how sick he really is. The call came in to my cell at about 5pm on Monday. I picked it up and it was from my Nana. I knew this was the call right away because she would never call me, and if she did it wouldn't usually be on my cell phone while I am at work. Seeing as my father was my nana's only "son" she had grown quit attached to him over the years. The fact that her son was now married to a second daughter of hers made all the more difficult when we would get into the details of what has happened over the years and the lack of effort he has given towards myself or my sister. The bottom line is, my dad would talk to my nana all the time. Whereas I had talked to him in over 8 years. That's some fucked up shit. Or at least I think so. So my nana basically told me he could only have a few days, maybe even a few hours left. She game me the number to his hospital and told me that I should call him if I want to say anything before he dies. This really threw me for a loop and I had no idea what I would do. I couldn't concentrate at work, although it was past the end of the day already, I had already arranged to participate in a hockey pool draft. I considered bailing on the work pool draft. I considered leaving and going home and calling him that night. So many things ran through my head. Was I beign selfish because I was participating in a hockey pool when I knew full well that this might be my last opportunity to talk to him? Just to say hi? Just to hear his voice one last time? I sure felt that way. I felt like I was being very selfish. Like him. I felt like I didn't care if he died while I was in the 10th round of a hockey pool that really meant nothing. I felt angry with myself for not rushing to the phone and feeling all these pent up emotions release. After the pool was over I went home. I couldn't control myself. I didn't know what to do. I needed to be home to take care of my family. I didn't need to bring this stuff home though. All these emotions about a person that my wife has never met. She was the one who actually reminded me that he called me once before since Lola and I have been together. I had totally forgot that he called one year on Christmas eve about 8 years ago. Before that it was probably another 10 years since we talked last. As I drove home I couldn't figure out what to do. I talked to my wife and she obviously was very supportive. It was my decision. This was my time to do what I wanted to do for me and no one else. Should I call him or not, is all I kept saying. I put myself through that for about an hour before I decided I...