Unfortunately, It's not gonna happen...

Long story, short - I'm not going to the December gathering. There, I said it.

And it sucks.

About 6 months ago I had this great vision of a blogger golf tournament that would include beers, gambling and of course, a ton of laughs. As each month passed I began to stress about where to play, and if anyone would commit in time to get something confirmed with a few of the bloggers who have shown interest in golf. I originally thought I could get 4-5 groups together, we would play in the morning (most likely Friday) and then let the rest of the day work itself out. I even had Mookie create a banner (he rocks) that myself, Dr. Chako, Miami Don and Bammer were going to pimp. I feel bad that I am leaving Dr. Chako hangin' and that we won't be able to meet. I remember signing that guitar that The Wife and Instant Tragedy arranged and had hoped to meet the man himself. I know there will be other opportunities, and that's just the way it will have to be.

As time progressed it became more and more clear that BamBam and a few others were not going to be heading out to Vegas and I began to question how serious I truly was about going this December. I really really wanted to go, because I knew I would have an even better time this year (almost tough to imagine, really) knowing all the great people that were going, that much better.

There is so much that I wanted to do, so many things that I said I would try. I wanted to be more outgoing and not so shy as I was the first time around. I mean don't get me wrong, that was the real Schaubs, but when you get to know me... or should I say, when I let myself get to know you, it opens up a whole different level of conversation and laughs. It's just the way I am.

I'm not proud of it sometimes, but it's me. I wanted to play in the mixed game at the MGM, something I never did the first time I was there. I just hung out in the background and played 1/2NL for way too long. I wanted to learn Pai Gow, even though I again, sat in the background last time and watched BWOP, F-train and HighonPoker grind out a late night session that first night I was there.

Maybe I was just wandering and reflecting?

I just read BWOP's latest post, which is partially responsible for this post. I felt obligated to make this long overdue announcement. I just wish I could be writing about the game of golf that I was looking forward to playing...

Raging with RecessRampage would have definitely been a highlight. Going for a couple of wicked dinners and slingin' some chips in a mixed game or even just pounding some beers would have been great. Hopefully he'll make a trip out my way in 2009 (anyone else??). Do it.

All these people were very excepting and extremely kind. I really wish I would have gotten more involved in those little activites like craps (why not eh) and some overdrinking at the IP Hooker bar. That is where you can meet a bunch of people you read on a daily basis. Astin, GCox, Kat, Iggy... there are so many other beauties that I can't even list them all.

I wanted to hang out with Dr. Paul, even if just for a bit. He's actually one of the few bloggers that I've met on more than one occasion. Both times in Vegas, of course. Change100, Derek, Al etc all great people to shoot the shit with. I wanted to buy Al a shot and talk about nothing.

Playing in the Venetian tournament is a must if you are there. It's such a good time and the table banter is worth the buyin alone. Make sure you bring some sort of an orignal bounty prize. It doesn't have to be expensive, just something from you.

Sports betting (I'd guess at the IP) is also a must if you are a football fan. Being Canadian, it cracks me up to see all of the bloggers in their NFL gear cheering for their home team. Grinding out those parlays and overhearing the discussions of who to pick in the afternoon games while downing another beer and slice of IP pizza.

It's a shame, really. I didn't think there was any chance that I'd miss out. But it's now a reality. I'll blame part of it on myself, no doubt. I didn't book anything in advance, or commit like so many others did a few months back. Looking at the flights, they just keep getting cheaper and cheaper... except the Canadian dollar keeps taking a beating. Tag on another 15%. Super sweet. So if you are there, just think of me, because I know I will be thinking of all of you. Damn, now I am making myself jealous... sniff*.

Ok so there are other reasons. The most important one being my mother's health. Apparantly she had one of those serious things called a heart attack about a year ago and didn't know it at the time. It happened right after a surgery, and she chalked it up as a chest pain. I guess it's not as obvious for woman as it is for men. Needless to say, this past week has been kinda stressful and has got me thinking.

Thinking a lot.

There is so much to say, yet I'm not sure what the point is. I need to make some changes in my life, I need to get things straight. I need to spend more time with the ones that matter most. This thing with my mom has put some perspective on my life. Her worrying about my health is not something she should be doing. Now that she is sitting in a hospital bed she has a lot of time to think. I know I need to go to the doctor and get my heart checked again and confirm that everything is ok.

Not for me, for her, for Lola, for my sister and the rest.

Poker is on the backburner until further notice. Last night was the last straw. I'm not playing well, and even if I do I am not being rewarded. It happens, it's part of the life session blah blah blah. I need a break and I need one bad. So me not going to Vegas is actually a good thing at this point and that is the way I am going to accept it. I'm playing poker at the worst possible times. After drinking, usually with little focus and very little game plan. Not even close to the correct frame of mind to show any sort of positive results, that's a guarantee.

Instead of just talking about it, it's time do something about it. Starting tonight.

Anyway, I really am feeling shitty about not making it to the Vegas gathering. It was never my intention to pull a no show. I hate no shows. I always thought it would work out. I was wrong.

Or should I just say, things change.

I need to be part of that change, and that is what I am taking care of over the last month of 2008.

So have a blast without me, and be lucky that I'm not gunning for your bounty prize or kicking your ass in RPS side bets.

Cheers!