20.1.11
Bad Son
I feel like a bad person for writing that last post. I mean, I don't really look forward to when he dies at all. It was just a thought I had that in order to take advantage of corporate work policies I would have to have a blood relative die, and this would be the first of its kind. Honestly, I doubt I could afford the time off, which would make it even more weird for me because I would then be going to work when my biological father had just passed and people would be wondering what the hell was wrong with me. How could I be so insensitive? How could I not want to grieve? What a terribly bad son I must be for not giving a shit about my own father. I have no idea how I will feel but I suspect it will be just numb and even keel just as I always am. Never too emotional high, never too emothional low. Just typically emotional about stupid stuff like my biological father passing away and not really knowing how to feel or what to feel or who to turn to to talk to about it. I guess this space is as good as any right now. When the time comes, I might think differently.
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2 comments:
You'll feel what you'll feel. Just don't fake it for the sake of other people. Sending hugs your way babes, and give your two bundles a hug from someone to the east.
Yeah dude stop with the bad son crap. You have every reason to have the feelings you have. The fact you even feel bad about it just shows that you are a good person.
I was not sure how I would feel when my dad died either. I was actually kind of surprised it hit me as much as it did.
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