18.1.11

Is it? aka deep stuff

Is it wrong that I don't even know my Dad's birthday?
Is it wrong that I am numb to the fact that he will probably die this year?
Is it wrong that I am being selfish and not wanting to go and see him before he passes?
Is it wrong that I wonder how selfish you truly have to be to leave your kids and never contact them for years on end?
Is it?
random thoughts by on

4 comments:

Easycure said...

Is it wrong that I don't even know my Dad's birthday? NO
Is it wrong that I am numb to the fact that he will probably die this year? NO
Is it wrong that I am being selfish and not wanting to go and see him before he passes? NO (but possibly)
Is it wrong that I wonder how selfish you truly have to be to leave your kids and never contact them for years on end? NO
Is it? NO

(And here it comes...) But, you might want to go see him anyway. The worst that can happen is that you turn around and head home before you get there.

Then again, why have our dads done that? (My dad has never met his ten year old granddaughter.)

2:30 AM
smokkee said...

1) B-days are overrated.
2) weed makes you numb?
3) He did bring you into this world. Go Saturday, leave Sunday open for NFL Championships and diaper changing.
4) No. But it wouldn't hurt to ask why he neglected to.

6:37 AM
lightning36 said...

The problem here, Schaubs, is the use of the word "Dad." You are a new dad and are just beginning to truly understand what that means, right?

Wikipedia lists "Fatherhood defined by contact level with child." Among them: "Biological father - the natural father, or procreator of a child, who may or may not take part in the child's up-bringing."

Thus, biological father does not equal "Dad." Dad is a title defined and earned by love, sacrifice, and hundreds of other intangibles.

And yes, this is a deep issue. You painfully understand how fundamental it is. This is why your kids will never have to ask the same questions.

9:26 AM
SirFWALGMan said...

Not wrong at all. I can say I have done a lot of the same. I don't know the Birthday. Have not visited the grave. My dad did not even leave us. meh.

Do what you feel is right. Remember you can not take it back though. Once he is gone that is it. It is not a bad thing but you might regret it.

What your dad did was horribly wrong but becoming an adult and getting older and having kids you can see how people get fucked up. The people with good internal systems of what is right and wrong fight and stick it out and the ones who may not have that run away.

Anyway good luck with the whole thing. I don't think you can ever get past "what could have been"..and feeling that kind of longing but whatever you decide will be right for you.

4:27 PM

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